I raced (well competed in) the Gold Coast Sprintman triathlon on the weekend. It was a great race in rather interesting conditions. It poured all day and was the wettest weather i have ever ridden a bike in. I love it, it was cool and i didnt have to worry about overheating.
The time was ok, 3hrs 7min, better than i thought i would do halfway through the run, but not as quick as i would have liked. But considering i have never completed a race of that distance before im happy.
Now im just feeling flat and a bit down. A good friend sent me a photo today of me after i got out of the water. I love the fact that there is actually a photo of me racing, but it shows how fat i am and it makes me depressed and embarrassed. When im out there racing i try hard not to think what i look like, but that photo has made me realise how bad i look. Part of me feels like giving up and hiding under a blanket. I think people must think "what the hell is a person that size doing out there". I know they most likely arent thinking that, but im disgusted in how i looked.
Ive registered to do another longer race in November, but now im having second thoughts. By the look of last years times i will finish last (which doesnt worry me, im used to that) but i will be so slow they will probably have started the other races before i finish, or i will be so slow they will have to hold the other races up while i finish.
I think i just need a couple of days to get my head together. I know i cant stop trying and doing these races. They are the only things keeping me from becoming a huge, fat, lazy slob. Its just that its so hard to keep going sometimes. It doesnt come easy and its a constant mental battle. Having said that, if my continuing to do this helps my daughter stay fit and healthy throughout her life, then its worth all the pain.
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