Self talk.

Ive take the last couple of days to sit and think about things. Mainly why my self talk is nearly always so negative. I dream about running a half marathon, or doing a HIM, these are two of my audacious goals, but in the back of my mine, i always tell myself that I'm kidding myself. 

I think it comes down to what i have been told for most of my life. When i have confided these things to family, i have been ridiculed, told to stop dreaming, that i will never achieve them as I'm too fat, to lazy, to slow, to old, don't have the talent or determination, that i give up blah blah blah.

So now i have to work out a way to turn this self talk around. I know most people think, "well just stop it", but its not that easy. You subconsciously sabotage yourself, you eat the things you shouldnt, but make excuses why. I tell myself that it doesnt really matter because i just wont ever lose the weight i want to. I mostly think that im not worth it, so why try. When im out running, when it gets hard i walk, because i tell myself that i will never really be able to do it, so why push so hard and go thru all that pain.

Im proud of what i have achieve so far, i just need to work out how to take the next step, deal with these thoughts and stop making excuses and reach my goals.